Category: Reflections

I suspected last night. There was a very strong smell in the kitchen. I threw out an old container with coleslaw but had cleaned afterwards or had I? I cleaned ones more but the smell still lingered. And I was tired, oh so tired. I usually turn the lights out by 11pm or midnight but was dozing off around 10pm already. I was feeling fine so I told myself I am just tired and probably missed some funny smelling leftover somewhere.

5:15am – I walk up with my right temple beating meaning the warning signs were right after all. Maybe I should have set my alarm to 4pm? It takes about two hours for the medication to properly kick in so that would have helped considering the main alarm goes off at 6am (and yes, I know that going to sleep at midnight leaves me with only 6 hours sleep which is not enough, but that is for another day). I get up and take my migraine medication (a triptan) and rinse down the taste with 2 ibuprofen (doctor recommended) and lots of water. For good measure I apply some tiger balm to my temple and neck and go back to sleep.

6am – The morning alarm goes off. Two hours are not up yet so the head is still throbbing. I hit snooze three more times before getting up for good. Breakfast for the kids and coffee and cereal for me.

7am – I slowly feel the pain abate. I take a hot shower even though the water feels like pin pricks on my skin (one of the side effects of the medication for me) but it still helps wake me up for good. Lunches need to be packed and one of the kids reminded to get ready (so thankful for my independent teenager). The kitchen still smells funny but apparently it’s just me who smells it.

7:45am – Load up the car with me and one kid and off we go. Grateful that I treated myself to a monthly parking pass this month. Headache is gone now but oh so tired. I make it to work alright.

8:30am – Sitting at my desk at work I contemplate what to do (or not do) today. Because I always feel slightly exhausted even after the pain is gone I tend to be more clumsy and slow. Since my work includes chemicals and biohazards I want to be sure I am up to the tasks ahead. Deciding on the cell culture room and some very easy tasks. I need to pay extra attention but I can do this!

10:30am – I finally starting to feel more like myself. So far I did not make any mistakes so all is well. It’s my lucky day.

Just for some general context: I had migraines on and off since my teenage years. They stopped in between to really kick back in during my early 20s when I got properly diagnosed. I am not sure if it’s done the same way but basically they ruled out any other neurological problem and my symptoms are textbook pretty. I have the pulsating pain on one side of my head (worst behind my eye), darkness is my friend and I am nauseous if the pain is too strong. I tried relaxation techniques, acupuncture, beta blockers, not eating certain types of food, cutting out alcohol – nothing of the then available preventive measures seemed to help. The acute medication did though (to the extend described above on most days). Apparently for me it’s mostly hormonal and related to weather changes. When we first moved to Northern California the very constant climate helped get them down from weekly to monthly what was a big relieve at the time. During both my pregnancies and two years after I did not have a single one. It recently got worse again with almost weekly attacks. There are some new treatment options out there but for now I am hoping it will calm down again eventually.

Things that help me get through the migraine day:

• Sleep, sleep, sleep
• Tiger Balm on my temple and neck
• A quiet room
• Herbal Tea
• Heating Pad for my neck (cold compress as you see recommended lost of places – not so much for me, so you just have to try)
• Taking the medication early enough

It’s okay, I am okay. I did not want to complain, I just wanted to share. If you have them, know that I am sorry and that you are not alone. If you have recurring headaches the first step should be a visit to your doctor to try and rule out more serious issues and to find solutions. It may be tricky but you might be able to discover triggers which you potentially can avoid. The American Migraine Foundation and the National Headache Foundation have lots of helpful resources including information on medications and therapies. There is hopefully something out there that will or already is helping you. I learned to live with it but I probably will never get used to it. I still feel a little guilty when I have to call in sick at work because of it or feeling bad because I barely manage to take care of my kids and have to leave it to my husband. It’s still like missing a day out of your live so for me that is probably around 40-52/year.

I can’t believe it has almost been a month since I last posted. January sure went by in a blur. I think there is something to the beginning of the year that always pulls the ground away under my feet. The holidays had been so lovely not having to do anything (or at least very little) and back to school and work through me into the full of it. I was also lost in thought on some topics that bothered me. My daughter is starting high school after the summer and all of her best friends applied to private schools whereas we are planning to send her to the local public school. Some of her friends’ parents are not happy with the academic aspect, some are worried because of safety (there were a couple of lock downs in the past year). I had long talks with her if she would be interested in private school but she says she is fine about going to the public one. I admire her resilience. Part of me questions our choices and part of me is just sad and feels a little betrayed. All this may stem from my own high school experience what was ok but could have been better. The school system in Germany is very different but I ended up as the only girl from my town at a new school and I had a ruff time in patches – no fun. I so hope she is going to have a better experience. I also have pretty strong feelings about the whole private school system. I sometimes wonder what the public system would look like if all the money that people pour in the private school education would benefit the public system. Dreaming of a better world, sigh. Dealing with all the emotions made me retreat for a while.

What I have been doing and want to keep up for this year is project 365 on Instagram. Posting an image a day an adding a short blurb if I have time for that seems way more achievable these days. Stephany and San are also doing it and I am enjoying see some more pictures on there again instead of the reels which are so popular these days. There is something with moving pictures that draws you in and I tend to spend way more time on there when I look at stories and reels. It annoys me to no end. It also annoyed me to no end that one reel snug in there but oh well. So today here are the first 27 images from project 365. Are you using Instagram and/or other social media? What are using it for? I also have a Facebook account but honestly only keep it because I am still part of a buy nothing group and various other groups where I sometimes find helpful information. Instagram I like because it helps me with my sewing projects, to find a new pattern I want to try and to see how it looks on other people. I also still keep up with some friends on there (remember the old days when Facebook was a place for that?) and to see what is happening locally. I also have a LinkedIn account for work but deleted my Twitter account recently. I am tempted to also delete my Nextdoor account but keep it for the occasional neighborhood check-in. I mostly try to stay off on there. It was a good idea but people are so argumentative and sometimes mean that I can’t stand it.

What do the pictures tell you? They remind me that there was a lot of rain in January, that we had a power outage, that I started baking bread again, that there was sunshine and delayed Christmas presents, time spend in the garden and on diy projects (knitting, crochet and wreath making), that we dog sat and that I went on some walks in the neighborhood. What it does not show you is how busy January was at work. I agreed to teach two undergrads who work in the lab and it took some getting used to to integrating their schedule in mine. But it also is a lot of fun even if it requires so much talking all day long. It does not show you the time it took to write e-mails to my son’s class regarding an upcoming science camp or the time spend shuttling the kids around to new classes (pottery and gymnastics). My daughter had a competition with her jazz band and my son had his second junior black belt test in Taekwondo. All very exciting. It does not show my inner struggle with the upcoming switch to high school or that I have been keeping up with my exercise better than in previous years. I managed to go to the gym or on a run 2-3 times per week what is a step in the right direction. One of my former colleagues mentioned on Instagram that she does not know how I do it all but I guess it’s an explanation why I have not been on the blog for almost a month. I will be back, promise. But tell me, how was your January?

There is a lot of test prep happening in our house lately. My kids both have German exams coming up and my son is participating in his school’s spelling bee. The German tests are mostly multiple choice questions with a listening-understanding and reading-understanding part at different difficulty levels. Some of the answers even I find not completely straight forward but I find that to be the case with most multiple choice tests. As usual my daughter does that independently whereas I basically have to sit next to my son so that he will stay focused. You don’t know how the test will look like but practicing with old tests helps a little to learn what to pay attention to when the actual testing day comes along. With the amount of complaining he does about the actual test, the stupidity of the questions, etc. I sometimes question myself if this is all a good idea but I think I said this before. Considering the amount of complaining and claims of misunderstanding he does surprisingly well on the practice tests.

I can help him with his German but I have my phone and my daughter to help with the list of spelling words. For a good chunk I would not do the pronunciation correctly and sometimes I even don’t know the word – so it is a learning experience for me, too. I told my son when looking at practicing his spelling words he should apply “klotzen, nicht kleckern” what is a German idiom for ‘go big, or go home’ I guess. It can mean to work really hard on something, or to put in a lot of effort (to achieve the optimal result in the end). A “Klotz” is a big block or chunk of something like a wood block or a concrete block. A “Klecks” is a small speck. So he should use a block and not a speck in direct translation. Anyway he seems not to concerned about the whole thing. The last couple of years another girl from his grade won the spelling bee and I fully expect she will do so again (and I think so does he). She has way more competitiveness in her than either of my kids and I am fine with that. To say it with another German idiom “Der Apfel fällt nicht weit vom Stamm” – “The apple does not fall far from the tree.”

Do you have a favorite idiom? I am sure there are plenty in English I don’t know about. I like them and as Amélie said in the movie of the same name (at least in the German versin) “Someone who knows idioms, can’t be a bad person.”

When looking at the translation of ‘Nicht kleckern, klotzen!’ I saw that it is also the German book title written by a public figure I rather not name – I might never use this phrase again.

I am wishing you a very happy, healthy and peaceful 2023!
On 12/31 the old year said goodbye to us with a serious downpour in the Bay Area. It always blows my mind that whenever ‘unexpected’ weather hits the area (and that seems to be true for other areas in the US as well) everything collapses. The drains were sorely clogged up in many areas and we felt like we had to drive through rivers on some roads going into San Francisco that day. We later learned that we actually were fairly lucky. I saw pictures online with people surfing the streets and a section of 101 south of the city was closed. There was an evacuation order in place for another town close by due to flooding. With 5.46″ of rain in San Francisco that day it was the 2nd wettest day on record. Considering all that we were extremely lucky with our small garage leak. There is another atmospheric river passing over us this week with the most expected for Wednesday – we will see.

On New Year’s Eve we had tickets for the “Ramses the Great‘ exhibit at the De Young museum in San Francisco (so that is why we drove into the city what we almost never do). I think it was pretty fantastic and we managed to walk through without major complains even from our strongest museum critic (our son). It’s still on through February 12th if you are interested and you have to get tickets in advance. I just wished we had eaten lunch before we went or at least taken something because there was a long line at the cafe and honestly it was a little too upscale a menu for some of us. I was glad we came a little early to walk a little through the rest of the museum before our timed tickets which was fun, too (at least I thought so). On the way back we decided to have a late lunch at In-N-Out Burger.

The rest of New Year’s Eve was pretty quiet for us. We had raclette for dinner. It’s basically a mini table top grill where everyone has their own little pan that is filled with raclette cheese (or other cheese if you prefer) and other things like corn, onion, tomatoes, bacon, mini sausages, etc. We had boiled potatoes and a dip with it, too. It’s popular to do in Germany even though it originates in Switzerland. After dinner we watched ‘Spider-Man: No Way Home” as requested but took a break to be continued in the New Year since everyone was falling asleep (not the fault of the movie I assure you). We adults tried to stay awake a little longer but fell asleep on the couch only to wake up again after midnight. The champagne we had before dinner gave me a migraine so I was a little extra tired anyway.

I am always a little puzzled why this last day of the year is such a big deal. I enjoyed reading all the word of the year and goal posts (past, present and future) but for now this is just nothing I want for myself. Maybe when I have a little more breathing room in my life I will think about it more deeply.

Now the daily trot has us back – school, work and the likes. Since it is raining this week I picked up my daughter from school yesterday. That meant being home earlier than usual and I got the chance to take a walk outside before the rain started during daylight hours. Sunsets are always something to behold in the bay and I love the views peaking through the houses. If I would make a resolution I probably would say I want to go on a 30 minute walk every day. That is doable, right?

It has been quiet here again. I guess that means that 30 days is indeed not enough to form a new habit (at least not for me). Did you know that supposedly it takes 66 days on average? This information originates in a scientific publication by Phillippa Lally from 2009 in the European Journal of Social Psychology. She published quite a few more research articles about the topic of habit forming so I trust that is about right. See, this is also the reason why sometimes writing something takes me forever. I start with something look it up and then that takes me down the rabbit hole (is that the right expression?) because I don’t find a good time to stop. It’s a little but occupational hazard since I always worked in research. Whenever we start a new project that usually means reading up on it what was already published and see how we can improve it. Sometimes it also leads to new ideas.

After high school I went to a 3 year school to become a medical technical laboratory assistant. A lot of my class mates worked in hospital labs after finishing but the first job I landed was in a research lab in the Anatmoy department at the medical school in Hannover. The next one was in a lab that was associated with the Nephrology department and after that I helped my PI then start his company. When we moved to the US I was glad I found a job again in a research lab at UC Berkeley in the Neuroscience department. I was not set on a specific research topic or a specific techniques and I think that somewhat helped in my case.

I love how exciting research can be when you discover something new or when you find a way that will ultimately help patients. I like to work with my hands, I like to do good work, I don’t like to be in the spot light or teach in front of a class. I like to keep everything running smoothly behind the scene. I think all in all my job is pretty perfect for me – at least for now. The lab works on gene therapy for eye diseases in the broader sense. For us that means pre-clinical studies in cells and mice to test if the ideas work in general but it is very exciting to see that these ideas can rlead to actual treatments that will be used in the clinic down the road and help patients. Right now I am mostly responsible for making the vectors which are used in our research. We use a non pathogenic virus called adeno-associated virus (AAV) and exchange its genetic information with the information that hopefully will repair genetic defects in the diseased retina. I am no specialist for retinal disease but if you have questions about that you should check out the Foundation Fighting Blindness.

One downside of my position is that my salary comes out of research grants which usually run anywhere from 1-5 years. For the last 25 years it always worked out and there was always follow up funding available. I could also look for a position in industry since I am a US citizen now and don’t have to worry about my visa status anymore but for now I am happy where I am. I get along with my PI, my work schedule is flexible enough so that I can fit in doctors appointments, school trips, sick kids, etc. I was able to reduce time after the kids started school. I am now at 80% and that works great for me.

I sometimes wonder if I should have done things differently. When I finished school, I first wanted to study chemistry but only knew chemists who were unemployed after they finished. I almost studied philosophy and history but changed my mind at the last minute and kept working. I did some courses in book keeping when I worked for the start up company. I liked that, too but I think I would have found it to boring overtime. I also liked the six weeks I had to intern at the hospital during my education and was thinking about medicine for a little while but decided that it was to emotionally challenging for me. I probably could have gotten my PhD as my PI suggested in the past but honestly I am perfectly happy where I am right now.

What about you? Do you sometimes think about the other options that passed you by or would you pick the same profession over again?

This marks my last NaBloPoMo post 2022. A big shout out to all the other participants and a big thank you for getting everyone organized goes to San from the in between is mine.

I plan to keep blogging – not quite sure what about and how often but the intention is there and I think I can manage at least ones or twice a week. So I am writing it down here: I am here to stay! I read somewhere that forming a new habit takes on average 66 days but since I enjoyed the last month lets hope for the best.

Today I managed to pull out a couple Christmas decorations when I had the house to myself. A German Christmas is not really complete without an advent wreath. It’s a standard (or also not so standard) wreath that has decorations and a candle for each of the 4 Sundays before Christmas Eve on top. Each Sunday you light an additional candle so that on Christmas you have all 4 candles lit up. When I was little there was one incident where we were all extremely lucky. Apparently a candle wick can keep burning inside the candle even though it looks extinguished. That is exactly what happened one year when my parents went to bed and thought the candles were out. We were very lucky and the table the wreath was sitting on was only smoldering and did not catch fire. The only thing that happened was that the living room needed a renovation. Even the sugar in the bowl was black from the smoke. It could have been so much worse. We got a table made of graphite after that and the candles were sitting on metal holders ever since that would prevent the wreath from catching fire. A couple of years ago I found this glass box above that holds 4 candles at Target and I have been using it instead. It’s filled with a string of lights and Froebel stars.

I also took out these little angels. My mom used to have a pottery studio and these are from her. She did hand building mostly but also had some precast pottery like these angels and snow man especially during the holidays. We spend many an afternoon helping her paint them when we had time. I am not sure I would have bought them myself but they always remind me of my mom.

This concludes my last post of this fine NaBloPoMo season. I hope I will see/hear some of you around and you keep checking in on me even after NaBloPoMo.

I am doing NaBloPoMo this month. 30 blog posts in 30 days. You can read more about it on San’s blog the in between is mine. #nablopomo2022

Honestly, I am not doing much racing these days. I am still really tired. I managed to fold the laundry today (alone in the basement, after I adorned my mask and put on new clothes and sanitizing my hands), but afterwards I collapsed in my solo room again with a big cup of hot tea. Tea is my friend right now (even though I can’t taste much of it today – man, I really hope that changes soon again – fingers crossed, please).

But really, can you believe it is the almost last day of NaBloPoMo? I can’t believe I made it this far and really uploaded a post EVERY SINGLE DAY. But it’s there, right in my history.

Can I tell you how much I enjoyed the last month? True, it was a lot of work and I definitely felt the exhaustion in between, because, lets face it: November is not the quietest of month in the year with Thanksgiving and the holidays looming ahead. It was so much fun to read all of the new to me blogs this past month and get to know their owners a little bit! I appreciated every single comment that you left. This made it all worthwhile and so much easier to get into blogging and pulling through.

I did not do much these past few days. The house is still not Christmassy. Now that the laundry is out of the way, maybe I pull out the box with the decorations tomorrow when everyone else is gone (assuming that I continue to feel better). The only Christmas spirit here so far lights up our front yard. My husband has a little competition going on with our neighbor (our sugar canes are bigger than his) and since he already had the lights up when we got home he could not wait – now we do, too. My brother-in-law was joking that the US apparently does not have an energy crisis.

Do you have lights outside your house? Do you like it or hate it? I kind of like driving through the neighborhood with all the colors up. When I can get outside again I have to check out our local map.

I am doing NaBloPoMo this month. 30 blog posts in 30 days. You can read more about it on San’s blog the in between is mine. #nablopomo2022

Through my comments I came across the blog a grace full life and her list of ‘100 even more things I love‘. If you start looking you find a multitude of other blogs who have lists like this and since my brain power today is not able to write many complete sentences, I thought I come up with my own:

1. My family
2. My friends who stay with me
3. Rainbows
4. Clouds
5. California sunsets
6. My garden
7. The smell of fresh cut grass
8. Fog
9. Walking through fall leaves
10. Chestnuts
11. Korean food
12. Our library
13. Knitting
14. Cross stitch
15. The smell of freshly baked cookies
16. The smell of bakeries
17. Visiting home
18. Candle light
19. A cozy fire
20. Sleeping in
21. A good glass of red wine
22. Going to a brewery
23. European old towns
24. Old houses
25. Comfy chairs
26. My plants
27. Bird song
28. Butterflies
29. Watching squirrels play
30. Penguins
31. Forget me nots
32. Christmas trees
33. Fine china
34. playing carcasonne
35. ocean waves
36. walking barefoot at the beach
37. playing Carcasonne
38. fresh German rolls
39. pretzels (baked not crunchy)
40. die Maus
41. the movie Sissi
42. music with a good bass
43. warming pillow
44. the podcast Brains On!
45. Rick Riordan books
46. the coffee shop
47. Jenny K
48. Tea stores
49. birthdays
50. Being in nature
51. Old trees
52. Swings
53. Joyful laughing
54. Discovering something new
55. going on a walk in the neighborhood
56. Our lemon tree
57. Aperol Spritz
58. Christmas lights
59. Fire works
60. Camp fire
61. Going out for dinner
62. Unplanned get togethers
63. The North Sea in Germany
64. My mom’s cooking
65. Dancing with my dad
66. My first shoes
67. Our giant front window
68. Watching my kids when they read
69. Kites
70. Hot air balloons
71. The seasons
72. Going through old photos
73. Staying up late
74. Roller Skating
75. Not having to drive my car
76. Finding the first Christmas cookies at Trader Joe’s
77. Booking flights to go to Germany in the summer
78. Planning vacations
79. Black
80. Cats
81. Cozy socks
82. Caramel
83. Baked Apples
84. German Pancakes
85. Going on a paddling tour
86. The sun on my skin
87. Neil Gaiman books
88. People watching at the park in summer
89. German pools
90. Planting things
91. Coming up with new projects
92. When things I worked on help patients in real life
93. A warm hug
94. Thrift stores
95. Going shopping by myself
96. Thunderstorms when I am safely inside
97. Summer rain
98. Finding a postcard for me in the mail
99. Homemade ginger ale with lots of ice
100. Lemon ice cream

So there it is – this was easier and harder than I thought it would be.

What would be one not so obvious thing that would make it on your list?

I am doing NaBloPoMo this month. 30 blog posts in 30 days. You can read more about it on San’s blog the in between is mine. #nablopomo2022

I even don’t really know how to write this post. We came home late last night and I brought a little present home. Do you want to take a guess what is coming next? I was kind of waiting for it but when my covid test came back positive it was still a little of a shock. I am in isolation in my son’s room now and everyone else is negative so far. I hope it stays this way. I guess San was right when she said ‘this ain’t over til it’s over‘. True, we did do a couple of things that could have caused an exposure when we were on this vacation but I also did not do anything different than anyone else. If anything I was more careful than some (still wearing masks most of the time e.g.).

I had a close call right before my sister-in-law and her family was here. After I got the updated booster I figured I leave the mask off at work. I was the last one to wear it anyway. That was the day my colleague I spend time in the office with just hours earlier tested positive. Luckily I did not get it then. All in all at least the timing is better now. We got to spend a great week with our friends and made some memories together and made it home safely. With the family visits in Germany and the wedding we went to last summer it’s almost a wonder we made it this far. At least now I can stop wondering when it’s going to happen – if the dinner with friends is ok or if that is too much, if the museum visit is a good idea, the band concerts my kids do, and I could write an reptty much endless list.

I am doing okay so far I would say. Scratchy throat, runny nose and a headache and really tired. But hey, I have room service (at least today) and we will figure out the rest. I still feel a bit defeated. Maybe if I manage to not give it to anyone else I can take home a win? I see a lot of testing going on in our house the next couple of days.

I am doing NaBloPoMo this month. 30 blog posts in 30 days. You can read more about it on San’s blog the in between is mine. #nablopomo2022

Our last day in Las Vegas was pretty quiet. My daughter wanted to go to a bookstore our friend introduced us to last year. It’s called ‘The Writer’s Block‘ and one of the nicest bookstores I hve been to. She left with a big stack of new books. The tfip back is taken care of.